Assaulted!

One recent morning, I awoke up to this disturbing carnage on the balcony right outside of my living room.



Squirrels.

Goddamn squirrels.














So the squirrels got to Bo Bice sometime in the night, and got their dirty little paws into his pristine dirt. I half expect an oak tree to sprout from Bo Bice by next Fall. But the voraciousness of the little rodents apparently got to the better of them-- check out the tell-tale bite marks that the greedy little bastards left behind on the citronella candles.
















Note that candles are NOT in fact, edible. Note also, more candle carnage left behind by the tuft-tailed perpetrator. These USED to be tealight candles. Their aluminum wrapper? Ripped and taken as perverted trophies by the perp.















I'm putting out an APB on a squirrel, possibly two, last seen fleeing the 5th floor balcony of Crown Court, bellies full of inedible wax. Suspects should be considered armed and dangerous, and slightly crazy. Reward if captured dead or alive: knowing that an innocent plant has been brought to justice. Bonus reward of squirrel soup if both suspects are captured alive.